Meghan (megmccarron) wrote,
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Some things Twilight says are awesome but they are not awesome at all

1. Your boyfriend is totally into you because you smell like his favorite food in the world. Like, New York pizza, except for vampires. This smell made him want to kill you when you sat down next to him in Bio, but instead he's decided he wants to spend the rest of his immortal life with you. Wait what? Just roll with it, he's hot.

2. Your boyfriend thinks it's so cute how "helpless" and "silly" you are. Also adorable: your occasional attempts to contradict/disobey him.

3. Your boyfriend, who does not sleep, stands outside your window every night without your knowledge. He also breaks into your house without warning. He also follows you whenever you leave town in case you "get" into "trouble." (Hint: this will be less awesome when he is your ex-boyfriend.)

4. Your boyfriend is, like, 10,000 years old.

5. Your boyfriend has "passionate" (irrational) mood swings.

6. Your boyfriend claims he can't make out with you, because he'll kill you, but then two days later he's all like, hey, let's make out. And by that I mean let me lick your neck. Your pulsing, succulent, new-york-pizza-smelling neck.

7. You never see either of your parents, your friends are "boring" (inferior to you), and you act like your dad's housewife. The solution to this is... your boyfriend!

7. Hanging out with your boyfriend's friend, who can manipulate your moods and fears, OMG makes you feel so much better and is so not creepy because he's such a good guy, you know?

8. Your boyfriend was so sweet and awesome to tell your family you "fell" down the "stairs" after you landed in the "hospital" for "trauma" from... a vampire!

I hate hating on popular fiction. Especially popular fiction for teenagers.  (Teenagers: read whatever you want.  Go to town.  Seriously.)  And I'm sure this resonates strongly with the abstinence only generation. (No touching! But, oh, god, couldn't we be touching?  No!  You will get pregnant and die!)  But there is serious, creepy misogyny at work here, and it depresses the hell out of me.  Read some cassandraclare  or blackholly .  Their books are actually awesome, as opposed to this fake-awesome.

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